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I used to use this thing all of the time. Good or bad, bored or over-caffeinated. It was my outlet for anything and everything. Now, I barely think to put my thoughts down, even when it feels like I need to get them out. Either I've gotten out of the stage where I share everything, or I haven't given myself a minute to put it all together coherently. Actually, who am I kidding? When have I ever been coherent? I don't usually care if I make sense or not. I just say what is on my mind and leave it at that. I'll have to force myself to get back into it because I think I was using my brain cells a lot more a few months ago than I have been lately. This is not to say that John has made me into a thoughtless Stepford Wife, because he hasn't mastered that yet. Give him a little more time to put it all together and then we'll see how it goes. He also didn't lock me in any sort of cage, though I realize that it may appear to some that he has. He's tried, but I always figure a way out of it. I'm like the female MacGyver.
I've been spending a lot of time working because I think when they said they promoted me, they really meant that they turned me into a slave for the company. I used to love working with older people, but now I see them out when I'm not working and I want to run them over. This is probably why I waited so long to get my license, because I knew there would come a day when I wanted to be destructive. Though I've been spending a lot of time with my grandmother, because not only is she the best old lady in the world, but she's also very handy to have around. She has taught me how to cook, which is a far cry from where I was a year ago. I had a strange fear of cooking, and not because I thought I'd kill someone. It was just standing in front of a stove, or a microwave, or basically anything that might blow up - even though the chances of that aren't really that great, right? I got over it though, and we've been going through her recipe books for weeks now. I'm not going to comment on whether or not the things that I make are actually edible, but I'll get the hang of it eventually. While I'm on the topic of my grandmother, who is now my idol in so many ways, I should mention that her voice is thick but strangely amazing from years upon years of heavy smoking. Until last week, when her doctor told her that she has what looks to be the start of COPD, so now she's walking around chewing Nicorette and wearing nicotine patches. And if I may say this about my own grandmother - she is a snippy bitch these days. So we're on a break until she gets her attitude under control.
I used to be ridiculously close to both of my dads, though I've always tended to favor one over the other depending on the day and the situation. As the weeks go on, we communicate less and less. One of them used to call me fifty times a day and nag the hell out of me, and now we talk maybe once or twice a week, if that. I was always under the impression that when I got married, if I ever did ..because that didn't seem likely, not even a year ago ..he would harass me to death for grandchildren. Oddly enough, he has not even mentioned them to me. They're not old, not at all. Neither one of them are even fifty yet, so they were throwing around the idea of adopting another kid soon. They briefly asked me how I would feel about that, and I admitted that it would be a little weird, but who am I to interfere in what they might want for themselves? If they want to adopt another kid, then they should do that. It's none of my business. Though they insist that it's just something that they briefly thought about, and they're not 100% on it. I think they're just finally starting to realize that I have a life of my own now, hence why they've stopped nagging me constantly.
Is it sad that I miss it a little? Hrmph.
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